Civilisation V LP, maybe

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Re: Civilisation V LP, maybe

Post  Son of Melon Head on Sat Jul 07, 2012 8:54 pm

Let's not invade.

I don't think now would be the best time to send our incompetent troops storming through Elizabeth's skirt, especially with Kahn eying our private parts from the shrouds.

And research writing. Perhaps having our troops read "The epic of Id" will inspire them to some form of greatness.

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Re: Civilisation V LP, maybe

Post  Kiri Ame on Tue Jul 10, 2012 6:41 am

I come bearing gifts of updates, and hoping that I can remember what I did in the game yesterday. That was, like, forever ago because I procrastinate on my hobbies as much as my work.




This update has a bit of a running theme, and I'm going to see if you guys can guess it by the end. Anyone who guesses gets an emoticon of their choice dedicated to them in the next update, unless I completely forget to do that.

I'll probably completely forget to do that, but just know that I would still be congratulating you in my head if I remembered that you correctly identified the core theme of this update.

I'll give you a clue: the first little bit of this doesn't have anything to do with it whatsoever.



Instead, my archers found England! Finally. Eh, I suppose that's a good job, I guess. They get bragging rights over those useless warriors of mine, anyway.

For now.



So far, Merry England doesn't look particularly exciting. Some workers, a few cattle, some sheep giving us the funny eyes...



I've been told that the sheep in England hate humanity, though, so that's a selling point. These fluffy little guys look pretty hateful to me. Maybe we can ride them into battle in lieu of horses.



Anyway, before I had a chance to inquire about the demon sheep, this fellow showed up.

As you can see, he calls himself Napoleon, and he has the world's snobbiest expression to back him up, so I'm inclined to believe him.



Anyway, my archers stared at the French scouts for a moment before melting away into the forest, their footsteps fading into nothingness as they vanished into-



Into... uh... a roving band of barbarians.

Shit.

Slightly concerned for the wellbeing of my archers, I decided to send my useless warriors off in search of them, in the hope that the two units together will be able to actually stand up to the most pathetic threats in the game.

Guess what happened to them?



Yeeeeeppppppp.



Anyway, while my archers were preoccupied halfway across the map, and my warriors had just started moving off in the same direction, this happened.

I'd like to just take a moment to explain in full my utter hatred for the barbarians in Civilization V.

As you can see, they're pretty much everywhere. Their camps spawn randomly throughout the game in any parts of the map that aren't illuminated, and they will spawn for ever and ever and ever and ever and you can never, ever, ever get rid of them. They're not too hard to defeat, but they're as annoying as hell just because they're always somewhere.

Also, they like ruining tile improvements, and blocking other tiles so that your cities starve, and capturing your workers and trying to carry them back to their camps.

Anyway, I decided to have my archers begin running away, since this isn't exactly the ideal place for them to have a batt...le...



OK, now the game is just doing this to be a dick.

Anyway, I was just debating whether I should or shouldn't have my warriors do something about that barbarian camp when some warriors from Budapest decided to jump in and take care of the job for me.



Well, that makes one of my jobs easier, I guess. Now my warriors can go take care of the barbarians hanging around outside my city.



But because my warriors are useless, the barbarians charge into the city and capture my workers before anything can be done to stop them. At the recommendation of that glowy red circle thing, I had the city fire upon the barbarians, but one of their guys managed to survive the attack.



Seriously. One. Guy.

God damn it.



Yeah, sure. Take your time wading through that forest, mate, it's all cool. Not like our one and only city is under attack or anything.

Anyway, the city managed to get rid of the lone barbarian on the next turn, but my workers were still "captured" for some reason, and they decided that they were going to just make their way back to the barbarian camp anyway.



In a bizarre rash of competence, my warriors recaptured them, so that they can go back to their peaceful lives of drudgery in the glorious city of Berlin.



As they labour under the sharp taste of both the sun and the lash, they remind themselves every day of how fortunate they are to live in the glorious German empire.

Anyway, speaking of Berlin, it's gotten up to the point where I can build more stuff.



Now that I've finished a second lot of archers, I have a free production queue. We could make another archer and launch an assault on Budapest, since it'll probably fall from the combined efforts of my army if it grows by another unit. That would be the quickest option.

We could build a regular library to boost our science and allow us to choose cool stuff to research more quickly, or we could build the Great Library, which will give us a regular library alongside our super awesome Great Library, and also give us a whole free technology to research. The downside to that is that it would take thirty turns to make, and we can only build one thing at a time.

Or we could build something boring to boost our city's food and production and stuff. Normally, I'll just build the mundane things that need to be built without mentioning them, since they're not exactly the kind of things that would look fascinating in an LP, but I'm mentioning them here just so you know you have an option aside from building up our army or boosting our bragging rights by building the Great Library.



Oh, and speaking of Berlin, we have elephants now. Which means that when we research Trapping, we'll be able to have our workers build a camp on that tile, and then we'll have ivory forever and be able to build a circus in Berlin.



Also also, the snooty Frenchman proposed that we open our borders to each other, which I think is sort of like the diplomatic equivalent of hitting on someone in a bar. I mean, I'm pretty sure he's just doing this so that he can put his scout inside Berlin.

I didn't see any scouts hanging around our borders, though, so I took it for granted that his intentions were good, and accepted the offer. After all, our archers might need to pass through his lands themselves, if you catch my drift.

Civ V is the sexiest game ever, as you can see.

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Re: Civilisation V LP, maybe

Post  Doctor Thunder on Tue Jul 10, 2012 12:30 pm

My first thought was that the theme was going to me "cattle or sheep in every single screenshot", but since you took the time to discuss their numerous irritating aspects, I'm going to go with "barbarians are the worst" for six-hundred, Alex as my guess for the theme.

As for what we should build, I think the Great Library can wait. We already learned how to read, and now you expect our honorable German army to be the foremost authority on book-related activities too!? Let's not lose sight of our real goal here! We need a circus! Let's go with a regular library for now, so that as soon as we finish researching Trapping, we can start on building that fine circus. The barbarians won't stand a chance against our dancing elephant cavalry.

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Re: Civilisation V LP, maybe

Post  Luke_Prowler on Tue Jul 10, 2012 5:45 pm

Huh, I didn't know Elephants were native to Germany

My experience to CIV is sorta restricted to the demo for Civ 4, but I'd say do the boring stuff first, since it'll lead to making stuff later much quicker. Beside, you don't really need to impress anyone once you've crushed them under your boots.
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Re: Civilisation V LP, maybe

Post  Ud the Imp on Tue Jul 10, 2012 8:32 pm

@Luke: At least is explains why they aren't in Denmark. XD
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Re: Civilisation V LP, maybe

Post  Lynkzero13 on Tue Jul 10, 2012 9:16 pm

Elephants were native to Germany, before we hunted them to extinction for their ivory to decorate our magnificent steins with.

Another Archer unit would be nice, especially since it means we'll be that much better off against barbarians.

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Re: Civilisation V LP, maybe

Post  Guest on Sun Jul 15, 2012 12:31 am

I'd go for the Great Library. Maybe if your warriors start sucking again, you could tell them to use books to beat their enemies to death with. =P

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Re: Civilisation V LP, maybe

Post  romanmyth on Sun Jul 15, 2012 3:49 am

By the looks of things, your about on your 5th citizen. My vote is to start pumping out settlers, and building more cities for the filthy great German Empire to expand with (and their great, german mustaches.
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Re: Civilisation V LP, maybe

Post  Kiri Ame on Sun Jul 15, 2012 4:00 am

See, I would, but since I'm going for a Domination victory, I figure we'll get all the cities we need by conquest. We don't want to build too many cities of our own, since that'll end up coming back to bite us when we have a Happiness stat of -24 and all our troops hate us.

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Re: Civilisation V LP, maybe

Post  Thanatologist on Mon Jul 23, 2012 11:19 am

Archer unit, then library. That way we can make our archers draw giant honorable german moustaches in mid-air!
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Re: Civilisation V LP, maybe

Post  Kiri Ame on Fri Jul 27, 2012 7:36 am

Okay. Sorry for the delay here, guys - I've been mega busy with uni stuff, but I have some free time/screenshots now, so I guess it's time for another update.




Voting was sort of spread across the board when it came to what to do next, so I decided to build another Warrior unit, in the hope that we could conquer Budapest and hopefully start getting stuff done from that point onwards. I was going to make another Archer unit instead of a Warrior, but I sort of remembered at the last second that archers can't actually take cities, and they get a penalty when they try to do damage to them. We only have one warrior at the moment, and we're kind of screwed if he gets killed while we're trying to take Budapest, so making a friend for him is definitely the smarter of the two options. Sending our only unit capable of actual conquest to hurl himself at the walls of a city-state until he keeps over and dies generally isn't the smartest strategy in the long-term. Or the short-term, for that matter.

Anyway, while that was happening, we researched the art of Mining.



Since I didn't want to take things back to a vote this early on in a session, I decided I'd guide our research decisions for a little while myself.



I chose Mathematics. Mathematics is ridiculously important to any military civilisation, since it gives you the Courthouse, which you can build in occupied cities to stop the people from being mad at you. Since we'll be making an attempt at conquering Budapest as soon as my reinforcement unit is brought to life, I figured that it was probably a good idea to ensure that we would have that technology in the near future.



Meanwhile, my troops started to gather in the forest and jungle outside Budapest.

That sentence isn't redundant, by the way. The denser, darker green foliage is labelled as "jungle," while the duller, oddly spherical collections of trees are forests. Budapest happens to have both of those things both inside and outside its tiny little borders.

Also, note the random half-dead barbarian just standing there. He tried to attack Budapest. It didn't go very well for him, as his health bar demonstrates.



At any rate, my final Warrior unit managed to produce himself, and I knew it was time to begin our long, ferocious clash with the state of Budapest.



And so the glorious ranks of the magnificent German army marched on Budapest, heads held high by the ghostly hands of their proud ancestors. Some of our number might have been injured by the preceding tussle with a barbarian unit, and some of our glorious patriotic army may have been delayed on their grand journey to the battlefield, but every man among the ranks of every shining column knew that they would surely prevail as they nobly set out to ransack a defenceless city-state.

Anyway, while the army was beginning its siege of Budapest, a Great General decided that he wanted to get in on the fun, and rather conveniently decided to begin existing in Berlin.



Everybody, meet Eugene of Savoy - the first of what will hopefully be many Great Persons produced by our empire.

Just for clarification, Great Persons are basically super-special people that the game likes to spit out at you every now and again. I'm pretty sure you can make the game create Great Persons faster, but that involves some sort of strategy thing that I can't be bothered finding out about right now, so I'm just going to say that they are created by a form of witchcraft beyond human comprehension. Just like in real life.



Anyway, here's his little portrait thingy. All Great Persons have different qualities that I'll explain once they become relevant, but Great Generals have three abilities. Their first is to give an extra combat bonus to any troops that they are standing near/on top of, giving the troops just a little bit more of an edge in combat. Their second ability is to go sit on a tile owned by the empire they belong to, and transform both the tile and themselves into a fort. The fort will give an extra defensive bonus to any unit sitting there, which is kind of cool, but also really situational. Their third ability is to disappear into thin air in exchange for somehow initiating a "Golden Age," which is a time of increased growth in your empire where things are just a little bit more awesome than normal. I'll listen to anyone who thinks I should make one of the latter two things happen, but for now I strongly recommend that we keep Eugene with our army, since he's really more useful there than he would be anywhere else.



While our Great General was making his way to the battlefield, our troops closed in around Budapest.



The archers sent a volley of flaming arrows into the city, causing smoke to furl up from inside as the warriors began to dash themselves against the walls. The war had begun, and already, the outlook was promising.



Within a couple of turns, the battlefield looked like this. We were making progress.

Unfortunately, not everyone was happy with this turn of events.



It didn't take long for Napoleon's snooty French face to thrust itself in my direction, and his wild eyes began to accuse me of nasty things like "wanton aggression." I absentmindedly told him to bugger off, distracted by the disappointing lack of curly moustache atop his lower lip.



Uh-huh.



There we go. Muuuuuch better.



Unfortunately, just as I thought I'd gotten rid of one whiny bitch, another showed up to tell me the exact same thing Napoleon had just said. I told her to bugger off, too.



She took it pretty well. Maybe the use of English slang endeared me to her.



The combined bitching of both England and France amounted to nothing, however. Despite losing half my army in the process, I managed to finally annex Budapest, thereby giving myself free access to those horses. Finally.



In a burst of amazing timing, Mathematics became a thing just in time for me to begin construction on a courthouse in Budapest straight away.

All of this came as something of a shock for Napoleon and Elizabeth, I'm afraid.



Your face is a sin, asshole. OOH, BURN.



I always sort of pictured Elizabeth I as being less polite than this. She's really quite pleasant in Civilisation, even if she hates me to hell and back.



Anyway, here are our options regarding new technologies. I'm not going to go through all of these, but Sailing, Masonry and Bronze Working won't take long, and we'll need to research them at some point if we want to make any real technological progression. Other than that, Horseback Riding will be insanely useful for invading things once we get the army built back up. We'd probably be getting a little bit ahead of ourselves if we researched Currency now, and I have temporarily forgotten what Philosophy even does. Anyway, it's up to you guys. Go nuts.

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Re: Civilisation V LP, maybe

Post  Doctor Thunder on Fri Jul 27, 2012 10:23 am

Get the essential stuff, but switch to horseback riding the second our military looks like it might become viable again. We need to show their sinful faces the might of our circus army.

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Re: Civilisation V LP, maybe

Post  Thanatologist on Fri Jul 27, 2012 12:31 pm

I agree. MoustacheryMasonry and Bronze Working followed by Horseback Riding. IIRC, we're on a large landmass, right? So sailing probably won't be too important.
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Re: Civilisation V LP, maybe

Post  E350tb on Fri Jul 27, 2012 12:33 pm

Masonry, so that we may build monuments to Bismarck's stache.
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Re: Civilisation V LP, maybe

Post  Lynkzero13 on Fri Jul 27, 2012 12:58 pm

Bronzeworking, then masonry and horseback riding. Our warriors need better swords and armor with which to cleanse the nonbelievers. Nonbelievers, of course, being all that do not bow to the power of the Great Mustache. From there we can crush them with our magnificent statues and gargoyles, and the stragglers shall be run down by the most glorious circus in all the land.

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Re: Civilisation V LP, maybe

Post  Ud the Imp on Fri Jul 27, 2012 5:46 pm

Masonry, Bronzeworking, and then Horseback Riding. Go with Philosophy after those three because I am curious at what THAT does.......
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Re: Civilisation V LP, maybe

Post  GameGuru on Fri Jul 27, 2012 6:53 pm

Go for Horseback Riding as soon as our army becomes viable again, but until then focus on Bronzeworking (for sharper, more deadly swords), then Masonry (for sturdier, more protective forts), and then Sailing (What the heck do we need a boat for?)
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